And more financial advice that makes me want to punch a toddler

Like almost everyone ever, I look for ways to boost my income. Inflation out here is cray cray, and I just want to be able to live comfortably, save for retirement, and have something to fall back on in case of an emergency. A lot of the advice I’ve read has a lot of the same tips. Most of them involve getting a side hustle going, or doing something to have passive income.  Some of these things are sound advice like only having one credit card, investing in a 401k, and putting what should have been a car payment into your savings.

But, there are a few pieces of advice from “financial gurus” that make my ass itch.

Join an MLM

As someone who was unlucky enough to live through the eras of Primerica and Herbalife, multi-level marketing systems have tried pulling me in on a few occasions. The first MLM I nearly joined up with sold knives (the name eludes me though). We were promised over and over that it wasn’t a pyramid scheme, and that we had the opportunity to be our own boss in a year or two. But like any other MLM, the bottom tier supported the tier above it, and the people at the top of the pyramid got the biggest piece of the pie. 

For someone who is trying to merely add to their income on top of a full time job, an MLM wouldn’t be a good idea. If you don’t dedicate enough time to the MLM, you won’t recruit more people as your underlings team. If you dedicate a lot of time but have nothing to fall back on, you will eat into your savings buying the products you need to sell. The average Beachbody “coach” makes $200-$300 per month, and that’s excluding the cost to remain subscribed to Team Beachbody and other operational costs. That’s less than a part-time job at federal minimum wage in the U.S. ($7.25 in 2023)

Buy this e-course

Getting guidance from an expert is always a great idea, no matter what you’re doing. If the expert charges for their expertise, you’re able to afford it, and other people have found it beneficial, then go for it. But, I would see if there is a book or something available to borrow first. Obviously, you want to make sure the material is worth your time before committing to it. You don’t want to pay for advice from someone with no credentials, and who probably has an active warrant for their arrest.

Remember, making and selling “get rich” courses is a side hustle in itself. The creators of the courses technically don’t have to make them “good.” They just need to have some kind of advice that can be applied to the reader’s life. It’s irritating to read through 5 chapters of the author jerking himself off over how rich he is, followed by vague suggestions that involve needing more money than you already have. Check your library before you inadvertently line someone else’s pockets without getting worthwhile advice in return.

Anything pertaining to real estate

“I was able to make thousands a month renting out my properties on Airbnb!” How the flying fuck did you buy multiple properties? 

“With the money I got from regular renting on my second house!” How the flying fuck did you buy the second house?!

Buying a house comes as a bit more of a challenge for the average Joe/Josie. In recent years, the cost of housing has gone up tremendously. Partial blame lies with house flippers, AirBnB owners, and Zillow. During the pandemic, houses were bought like crazy, then resold or rented out at jacked up prices so people could turn a profit. Once inflation and mortgage rates started climbing, the prices stayed at that jacked up range. You can’t just throw a 20% down payment on a home anymore, especially if you’re single. It becomes even harder when you don’t make enough to qualify for the loan. Even FHA loans can be ever so slightly out of reach if your credit score isn’t perfect. Of course, the bank wants to make sure you aren’t a liability, but still, to know that you’re just one point away from getting pre-qualified is disheartening. 

But the thing that pisses me off about real estate related advice is how casually it’s thrown in with other financial supplement advice. Like your regular person is supposed to just have tens of thousands in cash lying around and not worrying about things like student loans, hospital visits, or kids. If you’re like me, you are not a rich Caucasian man with rich Caucasian parents. Thus, you can’t just buy a house or a fucking apartment building whenever you feel like it. And before you say, “maybe that advice isn’t for YOU” specifically, why is it in a list of things like “Invest in mutual funds” and “Try drop-shipping?”

Buy a laundromat

I can’t buy a fucking house, and you have the audacity to suggest buying and running a laundromat? Yes, a laundromat can be lucrative, and will always be needed, especially in “no washer in the unit” situations. But if Joe Schmoe can’t buy a house this year, how do you expect him to buy a whole ass laundromat?

I’m still looking for ways to supplement my income. Hopefully, I find something that works for me, and won’t end up being a second full time job(I need to sleep, dammit.) But, a lot of pieces of advice I find either require more money than I already have, an already flourishing business, or more hours in the day than I am able to spare. No one is going through the exact same financial journey as the next person. But, don’t suggest a middle class person to buy AN ENTIRE FUCKING LAUNDROMAT and expect them to not look at you like you’re insane.